I am still in Nepal, and well... things are quite different here now than they were a few weeks ago. To get us caught up quickly, the rest of the Annapurna circuit was fine. I hung back with the group of Dutch travellers I met at high camp and did the pass with them. Weather was perfect, and we got to enjoy the views without a lot of foot traffic. Compared to Manaslu, it was easier, but different. I enjoyed being with a team of people again and we became good friends and trekked the next few days together. When we arrived in the developed town of Jomsom, my friends continued on the circuit and I took a 16 passenger plane that next morning back into one of the other major tourist hubs. When I arrived, I was dealing with a bit of culture shock. After three weeks on the trail, I was overwhelmed by the number of people, over availability of goods, and so many more choices to make daily. It was difficult for me and I began hiding away and trying to find a way out. After a few days, I decided to come back to Kathmandu to wait a week before my retreat at the Monastery and begin planning for Bhutan, my next destination. That's when it happened…

April 25:

12:30pm - "A 7.8 earthquake just hit Nepal with 30 minutes of aftershocks that are still rolling through. It is terrifying here in Thamel, probably one of the worst places to be for something like this. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers… At this moment, I am safe and sitting in open space next to the biggest tree I can find."

It felt like a normal morning and I had just stepped out for a late breakfast. I was sitting under a covered patio when it hit. I've experienced earthquakes before in California, but when my glass jumped off the table, I realized just how different this was. Everyone was scrambling and looking for a place to hide. I couldn't find anything. To my right, the building cracked straight across the center. Chunks of concrete were falling from above and shattering into clouds of dust as they reached ground level. I looked left and ran towards a doorframe, only it wasn't stable. I could see the entire building swaying from side to side. The screams of people still inside pierced my very soul. Potted plants were shattering in the walk way. I found myself with my back up against one of the metal doors that protected a closed shop in an alleyway. My hands pressed back on both sides of me. Bang! Bang!! Bang!!! I could feel the metal rolling from floor to ceiling. It rang louder as the vibrations of the warping metal sheet again worked its way up my back. The rhythmic pounding seemed to get stronger as if shouting through my body. The ground started coming up from under me. One foot clearly rising above the other. At that moment, I felt it. Fear. Uncontrollable fear for my life. It built up in my stomach and took over my entire being. I turned my attention toward the sky given my recent spiritual awakening and asked why.. Accepting that it might be my time, yet begging for it to stop. Finally, the earth stood still. But the crying... The uncontrollable cries of the people that surrounded me is something I can never remove from my consciousness.

We were pinned down in that alley for hours. Aftershocks kept rolling through and we were too scared to walk the streets. I still had connectivity and used the opportunity to get messages to all my closest friends and to call my parents. It was 1am their time. I can't explain the feeling of hearing their voices and trying to explain what happened. Telling them how much I loved them with a quivering voice, not knowing if it would be the last time we'd talk. That's when communications went down and the outside world was no longer available until later that evening.

8pm - "...People are in shock, but foreigners and locals alike are coming together in safe open spaces. I can't shake the thoughts of the screaming and panic from the first quake. At this point no one really knows what to do. With every after shock people huddle together or scramble in fear. Many buildings are in shambles, some nothing more than bricks laying in the street.. Cracks clear across the center of so many more that are still standing. If another big one hits, this place will be in ruins... I hope with all my heart it doesn't come to that and that there is peace in the coming week. Tonight I am sleeping in a parking lot with others as the government has issued safety warnings against staying indoors. Thank you for the well wishes and prayers. It could have been so much worse, and have no doubt that the spirit of people from around the world contributed to the safety of many. My self included."

The lack of information was the hardest part to deal with. All we had was each other and the stories that were circulating.

Everything is in ruins. A hospital fell. A tower full of people around the corner is gone. Everyone is dead. Durba square is no longer there… Gorkha wiped away.

I remember stepping away to try and find food. I had only eaten a brownie all day. I came across one restaurant in a six block radius that was serving veg fried rice as its lone menu item. I sat at a table and ordered. Two minutes later a plate came out and was placed in front of me. The man next to me said, "I think that's mine." The server walked away quickly saying over his shoulder, "no, yours is coming.." I heard him say under his breath "but I ordered 10 minutes ago."

As hungry as I was, I looked at the plate of rice and said to the stranger sitting there with a beer and helmet on the table, "Please, take this. I can wait for the next one." He said, "no, it's okay.. I will wait." Something was wrong, he was carrying something heavy, I could feel it. So I asked him, "how are you doing after today's events?" He then told me how he was riding back to Thamel on his rented scooter when the earthquake hit. He pulled over to wait it out and suddenly a man carrying an injured child jumped on the back seat and asked him to head straight to the hospital. He went riding through the broken streets and chaos only to find out that this man ran an orphanage and some of his kids were missing. They spent the rest of the day driving from hospital to hospital looking for his children. "so you saw death.." I inserted.. "Too much." He wiped his face with his sleeve as his rice was placed down in front of him. We both sat in silence as he took a long swig of his beer. I could see his hand shaking. Before leaving, we were both standing by the door. I took his arm, and said to him, "I hope you know that those people were lucky to find you today. You did a good thing." He began to cry… I pulled him in as he wept on my shoulder...

11pm - "...I am in a parking lot with about 100 people laying side by side. There are camps like this spread throughout the city. We almost made it to sleep before another small tremor hit just minutes ago. The anxiety is so strong here. It's pretty scary. Today's quakes were mostly rollers, but this last aftershock felt like a violent shaker. It's a scary thought to imagine what that might do, but we are trying to stay positive and keep anxiety in check. In what is normally a vibrant overly congested city with foot and car traffic is now completely silent. There is compete darkness. Only small lights from backup generators can be seen shining sporadically down dark alleyways. Know that I am not alone. I am with a group of Nepalis now. Everyone so kind, sharing food, blankets and spirit of survival. I don't think anyone is going to get much sleep tonight, but know that in times like these, the good within all people shines brightest. No crime, just complete strangers checking if you're okay and trying to help others. We will pull through... Have to stay positive. There is too much love and kindness here not to."

April 26

I remember showing up at the parking lot last night with my backpack filled with survival gear I still had on hand from my trek. I was alone, but better prepared than before should I need to escape the jaws of the city. I stood there for a while, looking around at all the small groups of people that had been formed. A voice came from below. "You can stay with us." I looked down at a small group of Nepali people and two german travellers. I set my bag down as they offered me some dried noodles. Sangeeta owned a spa across the street from the lot, her kids were back in her home town, but she was surrounded by five members of her staff and her partner Romi. They had just met the German travellers that night. They had come to the lot unprepared, so the locals gave them their blankets and pillows to use and were sitting bundled up on the floor. That's how we slept, two of them sitting cuddled up with no place to properly lay down and the others practically stacked on top of one another using anything they could find to keep themselves warm. One slept under an empty sack of rice. The other I gave an extra jacket to as we all shared my backpack as a pillow. It was a restless night. It rained and we didn't have shelter, so we bundled up in towels instead. At 5am, a group of crows began circling the camp. Their shrieks cut into the hazy morning sky. I couldn't sleep through their cries and lost my composure when a jolting aftershock struck shortly after. It felt like an environment of death and despair. The sharp pitch of the crows. The panicked gasps of the adults and cries of the children. The lone bright spot was the lady whose house was next to the lot. She had made a large pot of tea and was handing out cups to the entire camp. Romi brought the morning paper from a messenger that was walking the still empty streets. We found that many of the stories we had heard the day before were true. The destruction, the pictures, it was all real. And I sat there and teared up… I couldn't help it. The people that I had grown to love over the past month were dying. The country whose beauty I experienced with my own two feet and seen with my own two eyes was crumbling. My heart ached and I couldn't suppress those feelings much longer. 1500 deaths and counting. It could've been me. I couldn't shake the thought as it ran circles around my mind. It could've been me.

The camp was restless. We found others. A father and son from France. A solo traveler from South Africa. We could sense their fear and called them in to sit closer and shared the little resources we had. That's how we fell asleep from 5-10am. Twelve people. Five different countries. Laying side by side in support of one another.

When we woke up, Sangeeta told us to follow her while Romi stayed behind and watched our camp. She led the six of us into her spa and sat us all down.

"We have to hurry, but you all must be hungry. I normally make better, but we only have so many ingredients."

She passed around plates of rice to all of us, with a little egg on the side. One of the workers from the shop down the street was also there and she walked around with a pot of lentils and scooped small amounts on each of our plates. Six foreigners being served first while none of them had eaten a single bite. No's were not accepted. Only smiles of gratitude were exchanged as they watched over us to make sure we were all eating our fair share. It was the first full meal many of us had over the past two days and was another example of the light shining through even in the darkest moments.