Finding Peace

I am preparing to wrap up my time here in French Polynesia. It’s hard to believe that I already have two weeks of travel under my belt. So far, I’m liking this cadence that’s unfolding organically. One travel day, three days of island exploration, one day of conversation and reflection, and one day of writing.

Island life has been slow and steady. I wake up in the mornings and do a little yoga and stretching on my own. I make coffee and have some bread, fruit, or noodles. Then I’ll go diving until noon or grab a bike and ride around the island to take pictures or sit around somewhere peaceful. I’ve been less engaged with people since leaving Mo’orea. I have been surrounded by mostly solo male travelers and the interaction is often the same. Where have you been? Where are you going? Well this is what I’m doing...

I had forgotten how frequently this conversation occurred. Almost always a person cannot wait to talk about what they’re doing and how much different it is than everyone else. I’m going for this long! I avoid all the touristy stuff and go straight to the people! I’m going to live here/there for a year. Climb this or that. It’s so authentic.. You have to do this when you go here.. It’s the best!

I also met an American woman who shared the same tendencies so I’m not saying this is gender specific, but regardless of country or gender, I’m not sure what it is about the need to feel and show accomplishment. Is this how we judge the value of one another?

I’ve tended to entertain these conversations and ask questions, leading their mind towards the less glamorous thoughts.. And then what? Have you thought about integrating back into society? Why are you doing it? Are you looking for something? I never said it verbally, but there seemed to be a common theme in their stories of avoiding complacency. Finding a sense of value based on what we do and how those actions are perceived. But I also worry that when I say I’m observing, I’m actually judging and looking for a way to feel justified in my own mental position. Am I not doing the same thing now in explaining how I am different? Should I not be asking myself these exact same questions? I’m guessing I am only seeing this behavior because I used to be just like them and at times this mentality still lives within me too. So quick to want to tell people how long I’d be traveling for and where I’d be going. It used to be a sense of identity and I clung to it because it gave me a way to relate to others. Another form of imagined reality in which we are subconsciously attempting to establish hierarchy and a value system in which we can connect with strangers. It’s exactly the same as asking someone what they do. As if that’s any indication of who we are as people and the value that another might bring into our lives.

Because of this fear of judging others, I tried to view every interaction as an opportunity to observe an older version of myself and think back to what I needed back when I was them. Which normally was affirmation. Someone to tell me I was doing the right thing and that it would lead somewhere special. I guess when you provide enough affirmation, eventually a person’s real ‘why’ will come out. And usually it has to do with some type of trigger - rejection, transition, purpose, pause.. Is this what causes this type of external projection - trigger events?

There are others who are traveling because it’s part of how they are constructing their life. Go to school, travel for a year, then go back to the grind. Or doing it before getting married and starting families. Others attempting to make it a full time lifestyle - bucking the normal trends and becoming content creators and influencers. Announcing the fact that they threw it all away, and attempting to draw others away from one reality and into another with images of beauty and peace in a foreign land.

I didn’t want to post this because even in reading it, I feel judgemental. I have after all, held many of these very same false personas. But I think it’s important to state all these observations because it highlights how much value we as a society place on the external journeys we all take.

But there is another type of person that I’ve encountered here on the road. These are the quieter ones that tend to lead with questions as opposed to answers. The ones that settle into their surroundings for longer periods of time, join programs, sit off alone in contemplation, or in the company of books/silence. These are the travelers looking for answers. I’ve also played this role and while we never say we’re looking for it, internally we are searching for peace. Using experiences to inform our intuition, looking for lessons in every interaction, and battling loneliness internally rather than covering it up externally. Perhaps these are the different waves that every traveler goes through. Spend enough time experiencing new things and eventually they lose their shininess. In the end we begin to seek deeper connection. In the end we all seem to seek peace.

I wanted to share an excerpt from an email that I received:

“There is a piece of me that yearns for another solo travel adventure. The strength that it takes to do it and the experiences and friendships that happen only as a solo traveler had such a strong empowering impact on me in the past. The other half of me remembers the last solo trip I took as being emersed in loneliness. Within a couple of days I longed to be home surrounded by familiar people and ready to put roots down. At the time, I remember thinking it was because I had grown old or that perhaps the travel had lost its novelty and I had grown out of that phase or desire in my life. As is true for far too many people, I think I am still just searching for a sense of peace...”

I didn’t ask permission to share this, but I love how honest this is. And it’s real because I battled these exact same feelings. And honestly, often times I still do. It’s the battle between the two extremes that I mentioned - the internal dialogue vs. the external value system that constantly surrounds us. We often think loneliness comes from being alone or lacking partnership, but what if it actually roots from having thoughts and feelings that don’t have a safe place to be heard and understood? Perhaps that will explain why we can surround ourselves with things, be in relationships, have successful careers, be socially accepted, yet still feel alone at times. Like something is missing and questioning if there’s more to life than what we have or have already experienced. How we cover up the feelings instead of trying to understand why they’re there. And why focusing on the external is temporary and will eventually fade.

But what if peace is the counterpart to loneliness? Then shouldn’t we be having a dialogue about it?

Perhaps we should. But to set expectations, this will take time and instead of give you an easy answer, I’m going to have to unload some uncomfortable details about my own journey towards peace and tie it in with some of the baggage I mentioned previously.

This was the hardest lesson of my previous journey: doing less and being more.

The road to peace.